Recently Read: In The Woods by Tana French
Not one thing feel good about this book, team.
Ireland in the 80s, 3 children from Knocknaree go missing only for one to be found - can’t speak, can’t remember anything that happened. Flash forward a number of years to that same boy, now a murder squad detective, working on a case in the same same town with mysterious links to the old case. Alongside his partner/best friend Cassie Maddox, Ryan/Rob dives into the case while confronting many of his fears and past demands.
French is a really lovely storyteller. There were many truly romantic moments and pieces of scripting - one from the beginning stands out particularly when she is describing a picturesque summer day. Really beautiful writing. The only thing about this story that I couldn’t quite get behind was how unlikable the main character became. I’m okay with not totally feeling the narrator, but Ryan/Rob got so whiney and disgusting by the end of the story that I didn’t even really feel anything but pity for him in the end. It’s a good story though. Kind of slow at first, but definitely picks up in the second half of the book.
"And then, too, I had learned early to assume something dark and lethal hidden at the heart of anything I loved. When I couldn’t find it, I responded, bewildered and wary, in the only way I knew how: by planting it there myself.”
I do this thing where I think I’m real sick
but I won’t go to the doctor to find out about it
cause they make you stay real still in a real small space
as they chart up your insides and put them on display.
They see all of it, all of me, all of it, all of the good
that won’t come out of me,
and all the stupid lies I hide behind.
It’s such a big mistake
lying here in your warm embrace.
Oh, you’re almost home. I’ve been
waiting for you to come in.
Dancing around in your old suits, going
crazy in your room again.
I think i’ll go out and embarrass myself
by getting drunk and falling down in the street.
You say I choose sadness,
that it never once has chosen me.
Maybe you’re right.
hi little pumpkins,
I just wanted to drop a quick note to remind everyone that being happy has nothing to do with a checklist. It does not solely involve who you are, where you are, what you do, or what you look like. As human beings everyone can relate to the constant struggle of trying to be one step ahead in self-betterment… if I just get one more A, I’ll be happy. If I just get this job, I’ll be happy. If I have a boyfriend, I’ll be happy. When I graduate from college I’ll be happy. When I lose 20 pounds I’ll be happy. The grass is always greener on the other side, right? You can be pretty, skinny, employed, and adored and still feel incredibly lonely or like something is missing.
One of the hardest things about depression is the fact that none of these things matter. You’re constantly trying everything you can to make yourself feel better - my particular brand was working so much harder in every single aspect of my life and trying to paint a picture of perfection so concrete that nobody could punch a hole in it - but I can’t even begin to count how many times I cried over the painfully frustrating fact that nothing was wrong. I had normal complaints but nothing major, and that’s just it. That’s depression, that’s loneliness, that’s growing up, and that is SO COMPLETELY OKAY. It is okay to have things that other people desire and still feel unsatisfied. That doesn’t make you a bad person and it certain doesn’t make you selfish or annoying or superficial.
People don’t know you. Everyone is fighting something. So do your part and just be nice to people and work hard and appreciate things as best as you can, but know that you’re allowed to complain sometimes. You’re allowed to acknowledge your privilege and then maybe talk about something you’re struggling with and trying to balance. You’re allowed to have a good life, a great life, a “perfect” life, and yet still battle depression. You’re allowed to have every thing you’ve ever wanted and still battle depression.
Do you understand?
You don’t choose it. So if you’re struggling with depression, or anxiety, or loneliness, or just a general terrible horrible no good very bad day, don’t let people tell you that you don’t have a right to feel the way you do. Because even if you’re the most beautiful person on the entire planet that swims in gold every morning before drinking coffee made by god and sitting in a papasan chair made of of puppies and kittens… you’re still allowed to struggle with negative feelings.
Get up, dress up, show up, and never give up.
Hi Jamie:) I have now read 'dare me' and 'the end of everything' by Megan abbott and have you to thank for it. She has become a favorite author of mine now! I'm obsessed with her writing/portrayal of young girls. So thank you lol and I love your blog:D — immaculateconstellations
hey lady! I’m so glad! I have The End of Everything on my to-read list but haven’t gotten to it yet, but with your suggestion I’ll definitely try and get to it soon. She is really something, isn’t she? I loooved Dare Me. Such an interesting take on a topic that gets passed over often.
Following you now! :)
How can you ever complain about your life? You're skinny, gorgeous, have a nice paying job and always have boyfriends or guys into you. It's annoying. Yet you complain about being lonely and woah is me. Ugh like you don't even realize how lucky you are. I'd kill for your life — Anonymous
anonymous HATE! *woeeee is me.
Lord bless, anon. Get out of here.
yesterday was such a good day and DC is such a beauty queen show-off
- so many police officers all over the roads because of a band of horses traveling who knows where… they apparently rode all the way from CA to DC to protest taxation without representation (that’s not a joke, I really think that’s what it was)
- I had the MOST AMAZING BACON EGG AND CHEESE CROISSANT from Uptowner Cafe
- one of my candidates in the office for second rounds passed with flying colors and another crashed and burned SO hard that the first line of feedback was “ohhh muffin…”
- I listened to “out of the woods” no fewer than 1400 thousand times.
- went on an incredible 5 mile run that was so EASY. it has been a long time since I feel like I could say that about a run longer than 2.5/3. I absolutely had to pause to snap this picture of the Jefferson Memorial and the sunset.
- I work on the 8th floor of my firm where we always have interviews and member meetings and career committees so there is so much food all the time and they always dump it off in our kitchen and I just don’t remember the last time I made something for myself or packed a lunch.
I’ve been having some apartment issues involving power outages and when I got home from Harvard on Tuesday the lights were out and they didn’t come on again until right before I left for work on Wednesday. For the first few hours of the day I was in that state where if anyone asked me what was wrong I was going to be a sobbing heap on the floor, but I worked hard and exercised during my lunch break and I just got through it so quickly and so easily. It just all feels so healthy.
I am honestly so happy. There was some burning when I first got here but I can truly say that I am at a point where I am not worried about it anymore. I have grown so much more in the past 2 months than I have in the past 2 years. Every single day I feel more comfortable in my skin, more comfortable sitting by myself, more comfortable walking in to places I don’t know, hanging out with groups of new friends I haven’t met, and in general just continuously seeking self-betterment. I am thrilled at the life I made for myself here and I can’t wait to watch it get better and better.
Happy Friday :)
You probably wrote about this in some other post, but what were your thoughts on "Gone Girl"? just curious. I'm assuming you've already read the book :) — Anonymous
hey, great question! I read Gone Girl back in 2012 when I graduated from college, so actually before I started this blog! I don’t think I wrote about it anywhere, which is a bummer.
I don’t remember too many of my specific thoughts, but I absolutely enjoyed it. I’ve loved all of Gillian Flynn’s books! I recommended it to quite a few people. The twist tooootally got me and I really enjoyed Nick and Amy. Enjoyed them in that really crazy way… like loved them, hated them, feared them, etc. My allegiances changed every five seconds.
The book really just preys upon that incredibly freaky concept of how well do you actually know your spouse-lover-friends-whoever? Trust is so weird. I LOVED the ending which is a totally controversial claim. It came too quickly and abruptly but I loved the uneasy feeling of it.
Wish I could give you something more, but I loved it and can’t wait to see the movie! :)
in which I make a Freudian-type confession while talking about sass with a former intern. I don’t identify with the overwhelming sads much anymore which is a praiseworthy thang, but sass and sads used to be pretty accurate.
I am at Harvard for the day interviewing college seniors and I have officially reverted back to admissions squirrel mode… the career center here has placed out all of these snacks for us and I’m hoarding pretzels and almonds and snacks in my bag like I don’t know where/when I’m ever going to eat again. I used to do this aaaaall the time when I was on the road for admissions (because literally, who knew when I would eat) but it is so funny and silly seeming now during these 24 hour trips. oh well!